When Did I Get Old…Like Really Old?

Apparently I am aging at a far rapid pace than I have previously acknowledged.

me last year...

  1. In the span of a single week- several bartenders and bouncers have not only NOT asked for my ID (and have carded accompanying friends) but have given me the glance reserved for senior citizen patrons it’s so sweet you still go out and expect to be carded.
  2. In the past few months, I have watched 87 episodes of Thirtysomething  (best.show.ever)…because I relate to targeted demographic now.  When the character Gary died, I spent 2 days mourning and thinking of my own mortality.
  3.  I made an obscure 80s Disney Sunday Movie reference (Time Flyer) in class. Seriously, Shubert’s “Death and the Maiden” sounds a lot like the theme song.
  4. I am INVISIBLE in nearly all social settings. During a recent Simchat Torah celebration this escalated to new heights when I belted out an improvised song called “I’m invisible” complete with a tap dance number and NOBODY noticed. Nobody…except for my twentysomething friend.
  5. I’ve become cynical.
  6. A professor commented that I would “probably be the only person in class to understand this particular movie reference.” The movie was The Matrix…when did this become a classic movie? Katherine Hepburn is not in it.
  7. While dancing at a bar, somebody’s opening comment to me was “how old are you?”
  8. My baby brother turned 30 at the beginning of this month. What? How the F did this happen? Seriously? 30? Your are my youngest brother. I remember when you were born!
  9. My classmates have referred to me as “inspiration” for the simple act of my presence in an institution of higher learning.
  10. I had the realization that I could technically be the parent of child in their 20s. Technically.
  11. The experiences I’ve had are really starting to add up mathematically: jobs, apartments, travel, relationships, religions, friends etc.
  12. People guess my age starting at 28…not 18.
  13. Friends are discussing “getting work done” so they can look younger. WTF? No, no ….and no.
  14. I love taking naps. Kids and old people do this.

not invisible...i'm on a camel!

I don’t feel old…I skateboard (well…less so since I twisted my ankle 2 years ago…omg an OLD PERSON injury and excuse), make waaaaaaaay too many dark humored jokes, swear, date, break expensive objects, brunch, drink, smoke, babysit, travel, jump into the splits on the dance floor, learn new languages, go to school, buy things I don’t need…the list goes on and on. This is not what “old people” do. Old people are not on Tinder or ride a mother f-ing camel near the Dead Sea. 35 is young so card me!


One thought on “When Did I Get Old…Like Really Old?

  1. I feel you, girl. I am embracing being the old lady, because, inevitability, but damn some days it’s hard to admit or be stoked about it. I look forward to a raucous convo about all aspects of growing old as female the next time we get together. There is one thing I do love to no end, and that’s not giving one single fuck about who isn’t entertained by my opinions and antics in my “advanced age”.

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