The Jewish Nun

img_6015-1No this is not a commentary on my sex life but rather my imaginary Catholic one.

This is my “confession.” Recently a quiz popped up on my Facebook page…something like-Is being a Nun for you? – Channeling  my inner Fraulein Maria from the “Sound of the Music,” I took it and naturally had an ethereal score (I wished that musical pun had been intentional). I sent the quiz to a friend, we had a few laughs (she had more of a “Sister Mary Clarence” nun aptitude) and I went to bed.

12 hours later…

My inbox was flooded with emails regarding my test results. Mostly inviting me to investigate various “nun communities” around the tri-state area I might want to check out. The last email however was from a real live NUN (Mother Abyss?)!!!!!!!!!!!! It was personalized. She lives in Westchester and had recently been to Brooklyn (where I live) and made some funny commentary about directions and traffic (nun humor). She asked a few questions and stated that she hoped we could meet to discuss my journey to the habit. I want a habit…but I also want a mansion in Austria and to be a Jew…and to have lots of sex. Ffffffffffffffffffffff———kkkkkkkkkkk. PLUS I can’t reply to her email and report that I divorced her “husband” a few years ago. I am swearing off quiz taking for Passover. That’s not even a thing but I’m going to to do it anyways…like Lent.

Am I going to hell? Please advise.

4 thoughts on “The Jewish Nun

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